When I was 22 I took my 21 yr/o roommate to the ER and when the doctor walked in he pointed at me and said "Mom?" so I responded "What about my mom?" and then he said "No, I mean are you her mom?" and I have never fully recovered from that moment.
"Kids today lug around 40oz Stanley cups like they're on a trek through the desert." "Meanwhile, we survived on 3 sips from a germ-infested water fountain after recess and called it a day."
overheard a teenage boy buying a Valentine's card that said 'we are the same kind of weird'. shop assistant said 'is this for your girlfriend?' and he said 'no, it's for my grandma' :)
A VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN KNOCKED ON MY DOOR. BEFORE I SPOKE HE TIPPED A BUCKET OF DOG SHIT OVER MY CARPET AND SAID, "IF THIS VACUUM DOESN'T REMOVE EVERY TRACE OF IT I'LL PERSONALLY EAT WHAT'S LEFT." I REPLIED, "I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY BECAUSE THEY CUT OFF MY ELECTRIC THIS MORNING!"
The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.
“Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years; the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plu
Transcribed audio text: Larry Bird basically taught me how to track something. It was my second game of my career. Bird walks out at the jump, and he just stands next to me, and he leans over, and he looks at me. He said, do you honestly think you're going to guard me? And I was like, curse that. Then he stands up, and he looks over at our bench, and he looked at Cots.
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