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avatar jojo9
Me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up Cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work

Me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up Cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work

avatar Olivia Veqqie
I wonder how many people met me blacked out and thought

I wonder how many people met me blacked out and thought "f*ck what a creature"

avatar Patricia Lee
When your buddy is blackout drunk and you see the chick he's hitting on @tdiddyammerica Oh George NOT THE LIVESTOCK

When your buddy is blackout drunk and you see the chick he's hitting on @tdiddyammerica Oh George NOT THE LIVESTOCK

avatar jojo9
Sometimes I think about the guy at my poker table in Vegas who was kicked out after the pit boss said he was too drunk (high bar). Security came over, asked him to say the alphabet starting with

Sometimes I think about the guy at my poker table in Vegas who was kicked out after the pit boss said he was too drunk (high bar). Security came over, asked him to say the alphabet starting with "M" and he replied: "Malphabet" He was escorted out of the room.

avatar Jeremy Jordan
NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM ME, YOU'LL END UP DRUNK. And naked ...

NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM ME, YOU'LL END UP DRUNK. And naked ...

avatar Mark Manson
I Wasn't DRUNK Last Night !! I found you sitting on the toilet trying to put your seatbelt on...

I Wasn't DRUNK Last Night !! I found you sitting on the toilet trying to put your seatbelt on...

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