Being married is like being an AA. My friends ask me, like, how's your marriage going? One day at a time, man. I didn't say anything wrong today, but I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. Hi, my name is Adam, and I'm a married man. It's been six months since my last decision. I felt the urge to have an opinion the other day.
We're all here right now, like living right now, because some dude once went like, Isn't that weird? Have you ever thought about that? All of us. Because some dude, I know. And by some dude, I mean your father. SOME DUDE - YOUR FATHER We only post nikki glaser moments
I used to teach nuclear safety seminars. I can't even say the words right.. I taught those classes all across the country. My favorite ever is I was teaching up in Boston one time and they were really struggling. And I'll give you an example because what I learned when I was teaching those classes is that when you sound like me, you c
Do you ever have to sneeze while you're taking a piss? It's frightening, isn't it? It's frightening because actually you can't do it. It's physically impossible to sneeze while pissing. Your brain won't let it happen. Your brain says, stop pissing! We're going to sneeze now! Because your brain knows you might blow your asshole out. George Carlin
We want justice, you say how! Free Maduro! Free him now! No job? You got nowhere to be on a Monday at 8.30 in the morning? I never made a sign. Have you? I never wrote on a cardboard.
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