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avatar Gaie Houston

Not too bright. Now, I was at the restaurant the other night. I tell you, my waitress wasn't a bright bulb. I said to her, 'I've got a question about the menu, please.' She looks at me and she says, 'It's none of your business about the men I please.' @Garycraigactor

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avatar Patricia Lee

Wife's hands. Honey, what's wrong with your hands? I got blisters from using the broom today. Well, hell, next time drive the car.

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avatar Joseph Mitchell

The earth is degenerating today. Bribery and corruption abound. Children no longer obey their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching. - Assyrian tablet, c. 2800 BC. It's so over.

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avatar Charlie Chocolate

Update Stitch incoming... I can't go in there with you. good try though! I know you want me to, it's really cold though, I wish I could boo boo... I don't have your fur. Turn your phone sideways in 3, 2, 1. Share the magic of my first swim with Bo the Beaver.

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avatar Agni Gauss

Ma'am, I cannot accept this, the woman in this photo is 61. I am 61. You are not 61. DRIVER LICENSE. Look at the mouth in this photo, those lines are not on your face. Because I fixed them. You cannot fix that. I have been in this line 2 hours. I cannot verify this document. Verify what? My own face? Ma'am, lower your voice. This is my voice. Get m

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avatar Charlie Chocolate

Modus Operandi of news organizations used to be informing the public and then it became audience stroking. What, how can we interpret this thing that just happened in such a way that our audience will give us likes?! Yep, I like that! I like you said it that way, I like your point of view because that's what I already think and that's and I hate th

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