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avatar Patricia Lee
The police just pulled me over and said,

The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?" I said, "Scissors, I win!" And drove off. I think he wants a rematch. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes!

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avatar Zoe ZZZ
wish my parents would've added some nepo to the tism they gave me

wish my parents would've added some nepo to the tism they gave me

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avatar Olivia Veqqie
Chelsea Lockwood @chelsealockwood Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him. 1:24 PM · 3/10/14 · Twitter for iPhone

Chelsea Lockwood @chelsealockwood Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him. 1:24 PM · 3/10/14 · Twitter for iPhone

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avatar Patricia Lee
Me: How'd you lose your eyesight? Blind man: Motorboating accident. Me: Wow, really? Blind man: Yeah, her nipples were pierced.

Me: How'd you lose your eyesight? Blind man: Motorboating accident. Me: Wow, really? Blind man: Yeah, her nipples were pierced.

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avatar Joseph Mitchell
12,000 angry bees. Your days are numbered. This veil is made from exactly 20,000 honey bee wings. As part of a nine-year project, Luci Jockel sourced the wings from beekeepers who lost their hives.

12,000 angry bees. Your days are numbered. This veil is made from exactly 20,000 honey bee wings. As part of a nine-year project, Luci Jockel sourced the wings from beekeepers who lost their hives.

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avatar Mark Manson
Honey, This Old World Is Made Up Of Protons, Neutrons, Electrons and a Great Big Heapin' of Morons!

Honey, This Old World Is Made Up Of Protons, Neutrons, Electrons and a Great Big Heapin' of Morons!

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