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avatar Charlie Chocolate
I'm in the automotive section at Walmart and I ask an associate

I'm in the automotive section at Walmart and I ask an associate "Where can I find penetrating oil?" She gets a look on her face like I'm an idiot then tells me isle 3 health & beauty next to the condoms.

avatar Jeremy Jordan
That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it. But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.

That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it. But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.

avatar John Paul

"Daddy, why do people hang horses?" asked my daughter. "Nobody hangs horses, darling," I consoled her on my lap. "Who told you that people hang horses?" "I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse." Keep Calm And Oh Feck It Enjoy Some Craic.

avatar Isabella Lewis
Steve: How much is the rent for this gorgeous apartment? “Sir, this is a liquor store.”

Steve: How much is the rent for this gorgeous apartment? “Sir, this is a liquor store.”

avatar Olivia Veqqie

Amy, you remember Ross? Not really. But you are much cuter than that geeky guy she used to date. That was me. No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade. Still me. No, I'm not talking about you. It was your fat friend's brother with that bad afro, remember? Amy, I'm gonna save you some time

avatar Charlie Chocolate
THEM: WHAT'S YOUR BODY COUNT?
ME: FOR WHAT?
THEM: PEOPLE YOU'VE SLEPT WITH.
ME: OH! I THOUGHT YOU SAW THE BASEMENT.
THEM: WHAT?
ME: WHAT?

THEM: WHAT'S YOUR BODY COUNT? ME: FOR WHAT? THEM: PEOPLE YOU'VE SLEPT WITH. ME: OH! I THOUGHT YOU SAW THE BASEMENT. THEM: WHAT? ME: WHAT?

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